Dear Lord; Good evening Father!
For some time now Father, I’ve been feeling like You’ve been preparing me for something; teaching me hard lessons, tempering my faith and yet at the same time guiding me towards a destination somewhere “outside my box”. You’ve whispered messages of encouragement and direction into my heart, but as I called them in yesterday’s chat all those “puzzle pieces” just haven’t quite fit together yet. You told me there would be change in my life, You told me to “Expect something wonderful” and over and over again You told me to be steadfast and have Faith. I won’t sugar coat it Lord… The last year or so has been extremely difficult for me. But Father, somewhere during this time of trials something strange happened…
I found that I actually became more thankful for Your Blessings in my life, and have grown closer to You in the process.
I got to thinking about this quite a bit today, and I realized that it wasn’t the first time You’ve used hardships to teach me something important. In fact, the first time was what I consider to be the lowest point in my life and at the same time, the beginning of my understanding of what true Blessings are.
On December 14, 1999, you gave to us a wonderful, beautiful little boy whom we named Jonathan. As we’d been told for years that we couldn’t have our own biological children, Jonathan was deemed our “miracle baby”; little did we know how true that description was.
At Jonathan’s 10-week checkup, the pediatrician noticed that he looked awfully pale so she ordered some blood tests to be done. A few hours later in a flurry of anxious phone calls we were sent directly to A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children’s Oncology / Hematology department for an emergency appointment. The next several weeks to follow were to be honest, a blur. Test after test was done, and yet answers still seemed just out of everyone’s reach while terms like Leukemia, Anemia and Spherocytosis were tossed about between the physicians. Finally, on March 19th (coincidentally my 30th birthday) we were given the grim diagnosis. Jonathan had a rare disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis, and it had infiltrated multiple systems in his tiny little body. While the doctors were hesitant to give us any specifics about his prognosis, we were quietly informed that based on how far the disease had spread and the lack of information about it they gave him a 10 to 20% chance at best.
Shannon and I were absolutely devastated. I was lost Father, and hurt, and angry… oh was I angry.
You had started to bring me to You that day Father, although I didn’t know it at the time. We spent the majority of our time over the next 14 months living at the hospital, clinging to his life with all we had. From rounds of chemotherapy and steroids, to surgeries, to recovery protocols we stayed fast and hung our lives on every change in his condition.
I’d love to say that I prayed long, deep, faithful prayers Lord, but we both know that isn’t true. I was consumed by grief, and anger and fear. I have no doubt You were trying to talk to me then Father, but I was nothing resembling receptive.
And yet, You never left Jonathan’s side. I was broken, and lost and still You remained ever-faithful. Thank You so much for that Father. 🙂
It’s said that hindsight is 20/20, and in this case it’s an apt phrase. When I look back at that terrifying period of uncertainty in our lives, I realize that I needed to be there. In the midst of my darkest time, You were waving a lantern; pointing out things that had I not been forced to deal with, I would have never seen. It was a transformational and pivotal point in my life Lord, and it completely altered the path I’d been on. The lessons I learned in those years changed me in ways I’m still uncovering today.
Fast forward ten years time…
Life again took a new turn down the road of uncertainty. Between severe economic nightmares, the unexpected death of my best friend and a seemingly unending set of problems, the last year has been the most stressful period I’ve had since Jonathan’s illness was diagnosed. This time however, it’s different Father:
I know You’re here with me, ever-faithful, ever-vigilant. Even in my turmoil, I feel Your Peace.
See Lord, I learn. 🙂
Heavenly Father, I thank You for faithfully guiding me down the path You have laid out for me. Please keep my eyes open, my ears trained and my heart open for those whisperings You pass to me along the way. Amen.
~Phather Phil
Hi, I’m Phil Malmstrom, a.k.a. Phather Phil. I’m self-employed, father of two wonderful young men, an ordained minister who delights in spreading Jesus’ Message of Hope and Love, a science-fiction junkie, an aspiring photographer and above all that one of God’s Children who rejoices in His Blessings each day. 
I love this! As the Israelites were getting ready to cross the Jordan River and enter the promised land, Moses took time to look back and recount all the things God had done for them up to this point. He reminded them of God’s faithfulness. It’s important for us to look back to. And it’s nice when we do look back to find that we have grown. 🙂
Absolutely Lisa! God puts barriers and trials in our path to teach us things we need to know, and to guide us the correct direction. 🙂
Have a Blessed Day!
One of the things I am so reminded of and that is our God Experiences we have with the Lord. God was also with His people and at times we don’t always remember that but each trial or storm we endure moves us from glory to glory in Christ.
I agree completely Desiray. Each “bump in the road” is there for a reason, we just need to see it for the lesson it is.
Have a Blessed Day!
Such faith, I have no doubt God is most pleased with you His faithful child! I love how He uses our darkest times to draw us in to Him… it’s too bad that’s how He has to get our attention, but it works! You encourage me, blessings!
Thank you Heidi, but I sure didn’t have faith back then. It took me years afterwards and a few “God Spankings” before I began the road I needed to travel. I very much want to be His faithful child, and to bring His Message to as many others as I can.
Have a Blessed Day!
Amen! As a Mom of a special needs child, I can surely understand a very little bit of what you felt (my son’s life has never been in danger) and the fact that I wish I had cried out to Him like I should’ve. But He never left us and I can see it now and Praise Him for what He has done and will do!
Thank you Allison. I love your postings about your son… They teach us so much along the way, don’t they? 🙂
Have a Blessed Day!
Phil,
I am sitting here with a lump in my throat as tears sting my eyes and my heart overflows with a flood of gratitude and renewed hope because of your life. WOW! The highs and lows… all working together for the good!
Thank you, for pouring out what the Lord has filled you with… and for being an open book for us to read and draw closer to Him.
Most of all, I am reminded, in the midst of my suffering… that there is purpose. And even as my eyes rest upon the things that are visibly marred, He is yet faithful and working behind the scenes to heal even those things that I do not even know need healing.
Soli Deo Gloria!!!
Thank you so much Tracye, for this wonderfully heartfelt note. You actually brought tears to my eyes as well. 🙂
And yes, the one thing that He showed me through everything that’s happened over the last 10+ years is that there’s absolutely a purpose for everything. We don’t have the “big picture”, but God does and we need to always try to take our lead from Him. He is truly ever-faithful, and ever-vigilant and loves us more than we can possibly understand. Jonathan’s trials were absolutely the darkest time in our lives, and yet I see now that he’s made that way for a reason. His path has been partially shaped by it, and he’s inspired and effected many other lives because of it.
It’s been a long road, but I’m Blessed each day to be traveling it.
Thank you again for the wonderful message, and have a Blessed Day!
So thankful for life that emerges in the midst of storms; most times, it isn’t until we’re privileged with a backward glance that we’re able to say the steadfast lantern of the Lord’s presence. I’m grateful to seem mine today.
peace~elaine
I’m grateful as well. Lessons learned help prepare us for storms on the horizon when we listen and use the knowledge and Truths gained.
Have a Blessed Day!