Dear Lord; This morning, I want to apologize to You for something, and at the same time to thank You as well.
When my son Jonathan came into the world, he was born with a very rare and very serious disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis which threatened to take him from us. He was on chemotherapy and a variety of other stringent treatments starting at 10 weeks old, and we spent the following year and a half basically living in the Oncology Ward at A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children. It was a terrifying time for my Wife and I, and we lived every day not knowing if he was going to be with us much longer. Like many others have in that position, I asked You WHY, WHY, WHY were you doing this to us… No answer came.
While we were staying there, I was introduced to the Pastor for the Hospital. He was a quiet man, and although he walked through a place where there was immeasurable sadness and suffering I remember that I always felt an aura of peacefulness around him. He tried very much to comfort me at the time, but my heart was not ready to hear what he was saying, so I simply informed him that “God and I were having a difference of opinion at the moment as to what was and wasn’t reasonable.” He smiled, and said that he understood but that when I was ready, he’d be there. While I didn’t realize it at the time, this was the start of my Spiritual Awakening.
Time passed, and my little angel bucked all the odds and not only came through the treatments, but managed to thrive in the process. He’ll be 11 soon, and has been in consistent remission for a little over 9 years. He is very likely my greatest Blessing, and I thank You from the bottom of my soul for continuing to allow me to have him in my life.
Anyways, to get back to the statement I began the email with, during that period of my life I can honestly say that my Faith was at it’s lowest point. I felt angry, tired, and persecuted and blamed You for all of it. However, from all of the time we spent at A.I., my eyes were truly opened in a way that I never thought possible. We witnessed tragedies, and miracles, and amazing acts of compassion and sacrifice. What I came to realize was that while I was busy blaming You for all my fears and problems, You were actually teaching me about myself, and WHY my Faith is so important. So Father, I’d like to apologize for my misdirected emotions, and at the same time Thank You for all you taught me through the process. Amen.
~Phather Phil
Hi, I’m Phil Malmstrom, a.k.a. Phather Phil. I’m self-employed, father of two wonderful young men, an ordained minister who delights in spreading Jesus’ Message of Hope and Love, a science-fiction junkie, an aspiring photographer and above all that one of God’s Children who rejoices in His Blessings each day. 
Thank you for sharing this very moving story Phil. Touches me deeply. Very thankful for you and Jonathan and the gift Jonathan has given and continues to give to this world. Love and blessings.
Thank you so much Christopher. There’s obviously much more to his story and our time there, but that period in my life truly opened my eyes and my heart to what’s really important. It took me years to process everything I’d learned (actually, I’m still picking up bits of wisdom I suspect), but my time surrounded by those amazing people shaped and directed me, and still serves to focus my efforts today. As for Jonathan, he is truly a Gift from God. As he’s grown, it’s been important to him to be involved in activities and events where he can help other children going through serious illnesses. He’s very much here for a reason, and we’re very proud and thankful that he is.
Thank you again for the comment, and may Blessings follow you as well.
Phil, your story is inspiring. Thank you for sharing. God teaches us so much through our children and our hardships.
Thank you Jenifer. I appreciate you sharing your story on your blog as well, and have added you to my Blogroll so my readers can be inspired by you and your daughter. You and your family are in my prayers.
Understood. Thank you.
http://www.betternbetterministries.webs.com
Mother Nanhi & Father Leslie
Partners in Marriage & Ministry
Thank you for the truth which we affirm from our own experiences.
http://www.betternbetterministries.webs.com
Gratefully,
Mother Nanhi & Father Leslie
Partners in Marriage & Ministry
Thanks for this peek into a bit of your story. I will be praying for continuing remission for Jonathan and for many more years of powerful witness through him!
peace`elaine
So glad you linked to this post in your blog tonight. I had not read this post yet. My husband and I often talk about our son and how difficult it would be to watch him go through something like this. Just that complete feeling of powerlessness to change the situation. Thanks for sharing it! And so glad he is healthy today!!
Thank you so much Eileen! This month we’re celebrating 10 years of him being off chemotherapy. 🙂
Have a Blessed Day!